8:52:36 AM: Didn’t get to the computer fast enough for this today.
Had class with Masaki today. I felt that the class went slower, which helped me work on doing several of the poses more correctly. I had to sit in child’s pose for a few minutes during one part because it got too intense for me. I think if my breathing gets out of sync with the movement it becomes very difficult, so I find it important to remain mindful of the breath.
12:26:49 PM: I think that I shall meditate now for a while.
8:59:19 AM: Have a great day in the company of friends and enjoy much merriment.
10:13:39 AM: Daria is feeling insecure about her programming ability again. I don’t know what to do about it when that happens. I think that I just have to act patient with her and love her, and eventually she will get over it. I wish that she wouldn’t compare herself to others, because that has always seemed to me a guaranteed way to feel unhappy. There will always exist people in this world who possess greater skills and greater resources. I just want to focus on what I can do with what I have, not on what I don’t have. But maybe Daria really doesn’t want to become a programmer, and I feel fine about that too. She needs to make up her mind and figure out what she really wants. Do what thou wilt, and what not. It feels to me like she doesn’t have any examples except those that her friends at Columbia and HackNY have shown her, so she feels that she has to follow a similar path, when in reality she really doesn’t. She could forge her own path and it would turn out great.
10:23:00 AM: Well, she stormed out of the apartment, and without her yoga mat, which concerns me because I don’t want her to miss yoga. I don’t know what she wants to do right now… I guess I will just go to yoga, because I won’t let this derail my day.
11:56:42 AM: I felt relieved when I realized at yoga that Daria had her mat in front of me. She still won’t talk to me, and she has curled up in her blanket on the bed, but at least she did get to yoga, which makes me feel better. I feel sad that I didn’t act more supportive and encouraging earlier. I think I acted patronizing or dismissive of her fears.
12:00:18 PM: Let me just say that I find it very nice to have my mechanical keyboard at home. I really find it a joy to type on. Now I think perhaps I could make some upgrades to my software.
12:02:52 PM: Sometimes when our relationship feels strained like this I feel guilty because I start to wonder who else exists out there. For example the girl to my right in yoga today looked very cute, but I do have a bias that makes anyone who does yoga more attractive to me. Anyway, I don’t like feeling that way, so I hope that I can strengthen my relationship with Daria and figure out how to act better when she feels upset. Today what I did just felt entirely wrong. I did not listen to her and receive her words and respond to them using non-violent communication and I find that a huge mistake. I could have avoided this current awkwardness where I sit here alone in a room by myself if I had just listened and reflected her feelings.