1 9 2014

Dream Journal

Dreamed that I assassinated the Chairman of China, somehow still the ruler of China, by having him hug me while my clothes had a poison only he had a vulnerability to. I plotted this with a radical artist who put on a performance art exhibit in Beijing. The art itself looked shockingly anti-government to me, but you had to understand English. This happened at a huge art exhibit where I went with Daria. All sorts of strange occurrences there. The art looked strange. The only piece of art I specifically remember looked like a moving black couch that one would sit on that moved about in a small ring. Depending on where it moved you would hear audio messages that only the person sitting on the couch could hear. I think the artist did this so that he could play anti-government messages to people without the guards knowing. Daria and I did some weird and apparently illegal money conversions with tourists from other countries who also happened to stay at the exhibit. I remember exchanging $50 for 100 Kroner with a Norwegian lady. Eventually I got through all the guards and metal detectors and arrived at that one exhibit I mentioned remembering. On the walls of the exhibit I saw the artist give the signal in the messages, saying the time had come to act. I went over to the Chairman and started conversing with him. He showed me with weird mushy staff thing, which he told me he made by melting people’s bodies into a mold at his farm. I didn’t believe that he actually made the stick things out of humans, so I asked him what evidence remained of human remains in those. Meanwhile I really squished hard on parts of it and it snapped. I apologized profusely for breaking it, afraid that he would feel angry and have me killed. Instead he forgave me very graciously. I took this chance to hug him in gratitude, whereupon he remarked that I smelled strange and then died. Then I and the artist began our escape, running out through his exhibition. He asked me if I had “taken the papers” which I said I hadn’t, and he looked sad. I think I needed an antidote or something and so I would die, but somehow I also got the sense that I considered it a suicide mission and had accepted that death would go along with my role in this scheme.

Discussing drugs with my dad, especially marijuana which he tried. And also acid. I climbed a tree with him and bonded while I told him about different drug experiences I had. He came to New York City and had a huge insightful moment smoking acid and overlooking the city, talked about how he learned about disruptive technology involving trucks and satellite technology. Before that at Sailthru where I threatened to quit if this one girl dev couldn’t keep her job, because I felt upset that Sailthru’s management kept firing devs and barely hiring any. This weird combination of Chris Chapman and my dad (I see Chris as a father figure? Perhaps) told me that she had disengaged, and that she made a lot of noise, distracting the devs, so she had to go. I don’t remember exactly who she resembled. Sailthru’s office had really grown huge at that point.



8:36:42 AM: Had class with Christine today, another new instructor. Really enjoyed it, she emphasized the pranayama aka meditation which I enjoyed.


8:37:30 AM: Now, while I still feel relaxed from meditation and I feel the energy flowing, I will KAP.

9:18:18 AM: Blacked out for a bit between the heart chakra and the orgasm feeling, but my body must have gone along with it. Doing yoga before hand feels like it strengthens the whole experience. Very strong feelings of energy today. I think that I may nap before I do taijutsu.


10:01:06 AM: Let’s see if I can get my hips in line when doing tsuki.

10:02:57 AM: Kind of, but I feel hard pressed to do it right after yoga. My legs still feel wobbly. Did one tsuki on each side. Will do more later in the day.

6:00:14 PM: One set of tsuki on each side, without mirror. I tried to keep my hips in line, however.

Plan Day

10:00:30 AM: Intention for the day: continue building my foundation of doing it now out of love. Especially meditating with Federico.

10:06:59 AM: Hopefully I can meet up with Jordan today, if not


    1. Fix the horrible patch stats.

[sailthru@inny-procgen01 crons]$ for i in {1..30}; do php clientstatspatch.php —day “November $i 2013”; done



9:24:04 AM: I feel that Kitkat as my familiar sometimes. He wakes me up when I should work on something. I will work on my tarot interpretation of yesterday.

Center: (2 Cups) Love, (9 Cups) Happiness, the Fool. That describes my current state and future possibility. I feel happy. I feel in love. The fool represents that I have begun a journey with the attitude of a beginner. The fool represents an attitude I have sought to evoke. “The Fool has the number 0, for someone ready to go in any direction, open to all possibilities. He belongs nowhere, has no past, but an infinite future.”

Upper left possibility: Failure (7 Disks), Ruin (10 Swords), Queen of Swords. I don’t know what the queen of swords represents here, but I feel clearly that this spread represents a grim future indeed where I would learn from my mistakes. It seems I would meet both intellectual and financial disaster here. “The Queen of Swords can seem very sensitive, perceptive, sharp-witted and intelligent. On the dark side, she can turn cruel, malicious, narrow-minded, bigoted or even deceitful, dangerous, too, because of her charm and beauty.” I will stay on the lookout for such a person and know to avoid a future with him or her.

Upper right possibility: The Aeon, The Hierophant, Pleasure (6 Cups). This spread seems to me a very good future. Pleasure I feel very happy about, indicating the balancing of the cups cards I got in the center. I like both 2 and 9 of cups, but 6 I feel great about. Aeon: “Knowledge of coherences, widened perception and the liberation of hidden abilities” that I like. Hierophant: “the Hierophant represents the search for knowledge and illumination, the desire to study creed and dogma instead of simply accepting them, to research and achieve further development. It also stands for the deep fulfillment someone can find when really trusting their own beliefs.” This seems to be the spiritual results if I can reach 20. Contemplation as indicated by the tarot.

Bottom left, factors to consider: Ace of Disks, 2 of Swords, Wheel of Fortune. Honestly, I don’t know what to make of any of these. Both of the pips feel very abstract to me, and Wheel of Fortune seems a total wildcard. I suppose the 1 of disks could mean I should look out for opportunities and the seedling of a great investment. The two of swords indicates how I should use my intellect.

Bottom right, factors outside my control: Queen of Cups, Princess of Swords, Knight of Cups. I thought this the most interesting part of the spread. The factors outside my control clearly represent my team assignment, which indeed did not lie in my control. “The Queen of Cups represents water in water, she represents the purest manifestation of the soul of the waters. Thus she represents pure emotion, passion, feeling, never influenced by judgement or purpose. She acts loving and affectionate, a warm-hearted mother and a tender friend, looking into the depths of the heart.” She might represent Federico, that sounds like him. “the Princess of Swords can get stubborn and cruel, and while beginning to think independently about something, she can turn very discriminating and egoistic, showing aggressiveness whenever the result does not delight her. At her best, the Princess of Swords can act very practical and clever, showing fine skills when dealing with material matters or conflicting opinions, she can act generous and kind once she lost the inner fear and insecurity” She sounds like Kristie almost exactly. Knight of Cups often represents me (I feel I have a dual personality between the Knight of Cups and Prince of Wands), but he probably represents Eric Weiser. I don’t think he represents Boris, doesn’t fit based on what I know.

  • Ask Wylie and Alex about Jordan’s dietary concerns because I love Jordan.

1:20:09 PM: Had a nice conversation with Vik and Neil and Ann at lunch today. Vik used to do two hours of meditation a day and wants to get back into it. Neil expressed interest in meditation too and Ann told me that she did it in the airport since airports stress her out.

4:26:41 PM: Ten minute mindfulness meditation with Federico, Max, and Lisa Kim felt surprisingly difficult. Perhaps I have gone too easy on myself with the KAP guided meditation and I should supplement my practice with my mindfulness meditation. I think that would assist my KAP meditation in any case.

6:00:09 PM: Dev team meeting today didn’t feel all that productive to me, but it did clarify to me what people regarded with importance. I guess it went alright. Probably won’t get to any personal projects today because I have friends coming over, but I feel very happy and excited about that. I have the apartment all cleaned up and ready for people to visit and I think I have the room setup in a welcoming manner. It seems I won’t finish Illuminatus tonight, but in fairness I do find it a very long book. And due to the way my mind keeps getting blown while reading it, it may continue to prove a slow read. I plan to act the gracious host while still getting to bed at a reasonable hour and keeping up my good habits. I realized that I will encounter some challenges ahead, such as the kaceminar and hack@brown regarding my habits and it will prove essential that I stay flexible and yet return to my habits as quickly as possible when circumstances allow.

6:03:24 PM: Hopefully I can fulfill 20. Contemplation and become a shining example and beacon of meditation at Sailthru. I make that my goal now out of love. I shall act as though Sailthru represents my monastery.

11:48:51 PM: Had a lot of fun with Jordan and Jenn. We played Boss Monster. Jordan told me about his enchantment practice. He still has the crystal I gave him. He has a Firefly talisman that represents persistence against all odds, a Viper talisman that represents skill, a runic bracelet saying “Truth burns”. Jordan feels concerned about Aaron, and I share his concern. I hope that I could help him somehow.

11:51:34 PM: I also had a good time entertaining Daria’s friends when they came over. Howie, Jane Kim, and Chris Yan came over and we talked.