10 9 2014

ILUVU Aliza,

1:36:10 AM: Having trouble sleeping tonight. The upstairs neighbors keep making strange noises. But I think more than that I just have a lot of thoughts on my mind. I felt pretty bummed out by the conversation I had with Daria tonight where she talked about how she didn’t feel like she wanted to continue with tech and just felt really discouraged overall, and it just made me question whether we really had a long term future together. I feel like I want a woman that I admire and look up to and who doesn’t push me to get better but just inspires me to get better because she follows her true will. I really hoped that Daria would get her psychic game together during the year off she had from school, but it didn’t seem like she had much interest in spirituality or anything that I could offer her in terms of getting her mind in a better place. And honestly I feel pretty perturbed that now she takes Ambien in order to get sleep. I just feel like she has started to collect a lot of unhealthy choices. I just wish that I enjoyed conversing with her, but honestly I feel like we have very little to talk about ever and I find it a struggle to feel like I had an intellectual conversation with her. I feel terrible because I really do luv her a lot but I just feel like our long term goals have poor alignment. She wants to have a barn full of cats… I just don’t luv cats that much. I would much rather do lots of cool things and not have to worry about a herd of cats that I have to take care of.

1:40:11 AM: I feel pretty happy about the email that the founder of Datsusara sent me though. It seems like he liked some of my suggestions, and I will follow up with an email to him. I really like his blog and his wall of heroes I find that a super cool and inspiring concept.

1:40:53 AM: Anyway, thank U for listening to me. It feels good to get these thoughts out and I feel really grateful for all the luv and care U give me. I think I should have an easier time getting to sleep now. I certainly have a lot to do tomorrow.

1:41:29 AM: I feel like I need to break up with Daria at some point I just don’t know when a good time would appear, because seriously, could a good time ever exist? Maybe over winter break. I certainly wouldn’t want to put it off until summer when she might want to come live with me again. I don’t know. I just want her to get better. I feel disappointed that she didn’t turn out like the person I thought she seemed like. My own fault though.

6:56:03 AM: Dreamed about a MCGT or maybe Davidson gathering at this futuristic city. Joe Norby and I wanted to go play golf. The city had these incredibly cramped walk ways that I wheeled a bike around. I dreamed that I studied with Tao. I hear a strange ringing in my ear. I think I might sleep a little longer.

8:27:44 AM: I dreamed that DBC moved to a different location. I got drawn upon at like 5:20 to give a basic lecture on string manipulation in Ruby but somehow I had to go run and grab my computer and I could only find my old netbook which had all these weird problems when I tried to project like whenever I plugged in the VGA or the power cable a strange program would pop up like old games I used to make and none of the interactive prompts worked right and I couldn’t even show them adding two strings together I tried to use “appendTo” in Ruby. Then I went to grab my macbook and it took me a while to find and we only had fifteen minutes left and all these german language videos popped up and it became this big joke about how I missed Stefan except I said Myles. I said Ich studiert Deutsch. One of the games that popped up seemed like some derivative of Dungeon Crawl I made so that I wouldn’t die as much and it had all these really cheesy splash screens that had pictures of my face in them. Sarah attended the lecture as did a bunch of the mud turtles it seemed.

3:19:08 PM: Great meeting with Lloyd today, we talked about some interesting issues. We might have a little EE with all the staff to mend the distrust between the ops team and the rest of the staff. I had a really great conversation with Tess Manning over some tea. She works at Timehop now, they just raised $10 million and want to hire 15 people so she reached out since she remembered my work at Sailthru. I told her I feel quite happy at Sailthru, but I did ask about summer internships because maybe Daria would have an interest in working there.

3:21:59 PM: I have $40 in charity today. $20 to the woman on Williams street that I always see, and another $20 to an old man whose sign said he fought for the US in vietnam. He seemed very happy afterwards and said he would have a great day. It made me feel really good. I feel glad that I did it, and my Guanyin amulet must have some crazy charge on it now. Great for them, great for me. MUTUAL BENEFIT!!!! Anyway, feeling good overall. Excited to see Daria.

4:40:45 PM: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this, but during my walk to see Tess I had a long bout of extremely clear vision. At one point my vision got really clear, my eyes started to burn, and I expelled a ton of tears, but my vision remained clear for the next fifteen minutes or so. Seems like my eyes have started to undergo some detox and squeezed out a bunch of shit. I feel very confident that soon I will have perfectly clear vision. After all the Taoist sages that trained Wang Li Ping mentioned that one of the qualities they look for in adepts includes bright eyes and strong teeth. So I think as I fill up with energy my eyesight will return to the natural strength I had as a child. This weekend’s energy workshop with Tao Semko will help improve my eyesight and energy drastically I expect.

9:55:07 PM: I feel pretty pleased with myself right now. I fixed a major issue with this wiki… however, preview no longer seems to work, seems like the keybinding doesn’t trigger. Need to look into that.

10:04:15 PM: Okay, now I feel especially proud. I think it all works quite well now. Like I can actually do this without it crapping out.

10:43:50 PM: Well, now I feel pretty awesome. I have fixed up this wiki software a bit and I feel like it works way better now. And I have set the highest score yet on Self-Mastree, which I feel awesome about. I feel a little bit like I should have taught Daria how to concentrate better, because it seems like doing her homework would take a while if she keeps getting distracted by the internet, and I certainly know how that goes because it happened to me in college and still happens occasionally. Yeah, I definitely think I made some huge quality of life improvements here.