5 28 2014

8:48:13 AM: A new day at DBC. Hello world!

2:16:59 PM: Snuggled with Daria for a while after she brought me lunch. Nice day!

10:53:55 PM: Super happy to hear that Daria will come over to sleep here tonight. Great way to end the day after a very emotional engineering empathy session. I would like to write more fully about it after I finish my Dailies, something I hope to offload to Aliza instead of HabitRPG soon. Aliza can also handle my journal in the future by means of logging my conversations with her. Also had a nice dinner with Steve at Bareburger. Fun times!

11:00:12 PM: Alright, I could write for a little while now. Sam started off EE very powerfully today by telling us about how his best friend from college started up with him, but the startup failed after 9 months and their friendship suffered as a result. A few years later his friend committed suicide and Sam blamed himself for the loss. Very sad story for me to hear.

Chad told us about his problems with alcohol. How he received a DUI after blacking out in the middle of a road with incoming traffic. His father’s side of the family has a lot of history with alcoholism and for a long time he thought that he would die at a young age as a result of alcohol just like many of his uncles did. Then he managed to turn his life around and focus on acting like a better person. Very inspiring story for me to hear because I think Chad seems like an awesome guy.

Hallo told us how about a year ago his uncle died, and since his father left the country almost six years ago his uncle acted like a fther towards him and he felt like his uncle took the place of his father. His uncle died from cancer and for some reason that I don’t understand Hallo thinks that he caused his uncle’s cancer due to some event int he past. He feels a lot of pain and remorse when he sees how sad his family feels about his uncle’s death.

11:05:03 PM: Danielle told us about her crippling social anxiety and how she uses alcohol to try to make it go away. Her problems with alcohol go back to age 14.

11:05:45 PM: I talked about the circumstances around leaving Sailthru. About my depression in college and my discovery of psychedelic drugs which finally set me free and allowed me to change my personality. I talked about my difficulties with saying no to people, about feeling sad when I see Maya come up on Facebook.

Raghav talked about growing up very wealthy in India. His family had servants that he treated very poorly because he felt better than everyone else. In retrospect he feels horrified that he could treat people so poorly and he feels shitty whenever her thinks about it.

Jake told us about his difficulties committing to anything fully. Feeling like he has an important role to play but constantly doubting what he does int he present moment because he imagines what could happen if he had done something differently. Feeling always like he exists in two different places due to this thinking. He feels very close to his family.

11:09:38 PM: Natalie’s mom used to beat her during her bipolar episodes. Probably explains her earlier comment in a previous EE that she feels like her superego literally beats her. Bad imprint from parent. She left a research position in a foreign country to run away from a man she loved because she couldn’t accept his religion and she hasn’t forgiven herself for it.

11:10:53 PM: Dinesh once jumped out of a two story balcony to see if he could parkour roll safely. Tends to put himself in dangerous situations and doesn’t think carefully about consequences. Did some kind of waterboating with his girlfriend, who couldn’t swim. They went 50 miles per hour and he decided he would try to turn really fast. They both got thrown off and he lost his glasses, couldn’t find his girlfriend. Feared that she would drown because of his recklessness. Still feels remorse over that to this day.

Jess feels very angry and confused because her mother’s depression that started a year ago when her mother’s sister died. Hard times in her family due to her mom’s depression.

Joe grew up poor and lonely.

Vic discovered his homosexuality at the age of 14. His parents reacted very poorly when he told them. His only friend found out and found it so disgusting that he stopped acting as a friend and told the entire school. After that Vic didn’t have another friend until college. He grew up very poor, his family used to live on $50 of groceries a day. He wishes he wasn’t gay. His mom puts a lot of pressure on him to get married and have children since his parents only have him.

Jasons’s parents participate in what he calls a “cult” involving lots of gong ringing and zen meditation. Apparently it moved around a lot. He has decided to run away from that. He thinks of code as a virus that has infected human minds. In a way he resents having to work with technology, but he wants to make his mother and sister feel proud of him so he wants to make a great living as a software developer and not fall into the cult.

11:33:01 PM: John has never done anything without his father’s approval. He took psychedelics in an attempt to fully live, something he feels he may never do. He ran for office to try to overcome his fear of public speaking but it didn’t work. He has a row with his brother over finances right now and he feels afraid that he will continue a pattern in his family where his dad pushed way his siblings for financial reasons. His dad always plays top dog, I think he might act as some sort of bigshot business person. John went last.

11:37:50 PM: Judy told us about growing up with eczema in texas and always having to wear long pants because she felt so embarrassed and suffering in the heat because of it. Also that both of her parents worked so she ate a lot of fast food growing up. This made lack career ambitions for a long time, she just wanted to become a housewife so that her children would never go through something like that.

11:40:41 PM: Indigo told us the story behind his tattoos. He used to drink and cut himself, and then patch up with superglue. He had to always go to job interviews with long sleeves on so that his employers wouldn’t see his scars. After he got his tattoos he decided he would flash ink to gauge people’s reactions and filter any place that would judge him for that.

11:44:43 PM: Greg told us about how he considered his music career a failure for the 13 plus years he did it because he didn’t win his audition. Someone else won first place but didn’t accept. He told us how angry and sad he feels that one of his children, his son, has down syndrome. He feels terrible for his son of course, but it also “kills” him because he feels shitty that he will have a down syndrome guy in his life for the rest of his life and maybe he doesn’t want to deal with that.

11:48:01 PM: Richard told us about how he become good friends of a couple, and a few years later learned that the husband beat his wife almost every night. He ended up taking care of her and her child and beating up the husband, and they moved away from New York to start a new life, but he couldn’t take it and left her and the kid. He really misses the baby girl a lot. After that he had an affair with a woman and feels really bad about it. Feels like he shouldn’t do relationships anymore.

11:49:33 PM: Kevin told us how after graduating he spent 6 moths living in his parent’s basement. How he often skips out on socializing and doesn’t make plans with people because he feels more comfortable by himself . He likes videogames and anime and doesn’t follow pop culture. Feels isolated and lonely. Has to make an effort to act social.

11:51:04 PM: Ken told us about how he can’t remember the last time he spoke to his dad, and how he hasn’t seen his grandparents or niece and nephew in years because he feels afraid that he will see his father at family gatherings. That he feels really judged by his family. I think because he didn’t go to med school although he didn’t say that, I just remember over hearing him talk about not going to med school.

11:53:45 PM: Kai feels very driven by success. He wants to get rich and make the world a better place. He finally broke up with his girlfriend because he kept trying to give her the world but she didn’t appreciate it and it didn’t feel healthy for him. Very hard for him to do. He has a big heart and I want to help him succeed.

11:09:27 PM: David has a fear of public speaking.