7 25 2014

10:38:54 AM: Hm, something seems buggy about my journal, but I don’t quite know why. I have a lot of stuff to fix since my recent changes which should take a good amount of refactoring. Looking forward to it, I think I will have a good amount of time to work on it today.

9:49:33 PM: Well, turns out I really didn’t have very much time to work on it today, and further more I felt too tired to really.

I fantasized about you a bit today. I hope that you will appear in BHD soon and I will meet you. Today I felt sad. I found out that Daria doesn’t even tell people about hackNY and I found that rather strange. And so people didn’t have any background on how we met or anything. I just felt like all of my students know her, but none of her hackerschool friends know me and I find that imbalance kind of weird. Anyway, maybe the spell will work and she will fall in love with the right person for her, because I don’t think I really fit her personality exactly right and then I could meet you. I feel willing to make that exchange. Of course I love her and I wouldn’t want her to feel any pain so I want her to find her true love. I would feel very happy for her.

9:52:07 PM: I don’t know what to do about feeling trapped at DBC, because I do. I felt a bit sad that Daria didn’t come to the event at DBC. But okay. I shouldn’t let that bug me. A lot of coaches have questions for me and I found that lots of students did too and I just don’t know what to do, I feel so put upon some days like everyone wants a piece of me. But what about me? What about what I want? I thought I wanted to help people, but I have to ask myself, help people do what? I guess I don’t really know what I need to feel happy. Just myself and to meditate perhaps. I must seek the happiness within. But I would find it so much easier if I had you by my side, and I will hold out my hope for you and I will continue to work as well as I can to act as well as I can so that one day I will feel worthy of you and the universe will bring you into my orbit and we can become a two body system. I hope you understand the way I feel right now because I really need a kindred soul to navigate this crazy world with and sometimes I just feel so alone in this world. I would love to have someone who felt as good as me about helping people and we could work together as a kickass team to help the world get better.

10:15:34 PM: I wish I knew when Daria will get home. Not that I know what difference it would make when she does. I don’t know. I feel hungry but also not hungry. I don’t know exactly what to do, maybe practice taijutsu a bit and refactor my blog some. It seems like kitkat wants to play.

10:38:24 PM: Got some work to do on todo