Becoming Myself

Who do I want to be?

I want to be zentroverted. Extroverted when there are people around, but content with myself when I’m alone. I want to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, yet I want to discuss Heidegger and Foucault when the present company allows. I want to be widely read—that is, both to have read many books, but also to have published a few books possessing gem-like lucidity.

I want to flow with the waves of life, and take it as it comes. I want to enjoy the gray days for what they are: variety. I want to treasure despair for what it is: inspiration. I want to possess the philosopher’s stone: the ability to mentally turn lead into gold, hell into heaven. I want to stride confidently, knowing whatever occurs I am at peace.

I want to be great at making friends, but even better at keeping them. I want to cultivate friendships like a gardener tends to his plants. I want to connect people and help opportunities come together. I want to bring starcrossed lovers into each other’s arms. I want to see every person, no matter their position in life, as a valued friend.

I want to be a man’s man, and a lady’s man. I want to be a wingman.

I want to be well dressed, but simply dressed. My clothing should be practical. They should get me in the door, but my personality should be the main attraction.

I want to be physically fit, but more importantly physically skilled. I want to master at least one martial art, so I can protect my friends when we go on amazing adventures in foreign countries. I want to juggle and I want to walk across slacklines, and I want to do both at the same time. I want to do hand stands and backflips and rolls. I want to be a traceur and find new ways to navigate urban jungles. I want to do Urdhva Dhanurasana, Kapotasana, and any other challenging yoga pose.

I want to visit the Alps, the Himalayas. I want to swim in the reefs. I want to brave the Urals in winter. I want to climb Mayan ruins. I want to spelunk caves. I cross the Sahara. I want to bathe in the Ganges.

I want to sit for an hour and contemplate the void. I want to visualize multi-dimensional objects. I want to fully master my mind.

I want to master the intricacies of Chinese and Japanese. I want to learn the flowing script of Arabic. I want to reconnect with my German and Norwegian ancestry. I want to do a French accent, but not necessarily learn French. I want to speak Spanish with fluency.

I want to smile and laugh and make love and spread joy. I want to sing and dance and grow food and raise children.

I want to own very few things and own them well. I should be able to repair most of what I own. My life should fit into a moderately sized duffle.